Whole Sweet Life

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Sooo I got a little bit of track.  But, I’m not going to let it get me down.  On our trip out of town this weekend I felt like I did pretty well…until the rice krispie (homemade at least) sugar bomb that I indulged in on Saturday night.  I also indulged in a few squares of dark chocolate a few hours before that, and that mate acted as some kind of gateway into other sugary treats.  I stayed grain and (mostly) dairy free while I was there, although I had a few french fries and potatoes at breakfast.  Being back home yesterday was totally fine, I even made a pot roast Sunday night so I would have food for Monday.  But, even though I packed my lunch today at work and ate it no problem, I had a sugar binge at work today.  This was super disappointing since I made it through the whole Halloween thing at work without indulging or even feeling the urge to have some sugar.  The few bites of chocolate led to even more sugar, and then sushi for dinner.  Normally I wouldn’t consider sushi the most horrible thing ever, but it definitely didn’t make my stomach feel too great.

So, where to go from here.  I still take great pride that I made it about 17 days on the Whole 30 being very strict, and that proved to me that this is something I will be able to stick with.  Instead of going back and starting over, I am just going to keep trucking ahead.  I suspect that part of doing the Whole 30 made me feel like I was on some kind of “diet”, even though the food doesn’t make me feel that way.  I think that I will just be continuing with the primal lifestyle as I want this to be a forever thing, not just a 30 day one!!  I suspect that the other thing that threw me off was the fact that I weighed myself this morning….this was a bad plan.  I did lost some weight, but not as much as I felt I did, which I know is so not the point of all of this.  So, the scale went back in the closet and I am back on track as of NOW.

I was starting to feel that I didn’t want to post here since I don’t know what to write about, and so that I wouldn’t feel guilty that I “cheated.”  But again, that is not the point of any of this.  I want to keep writing here so that I can feel accountable and be able to reflect and let out my feelings.  I know this isn’t going to be easy, as any lifestyle change is, even though this is the first time I truly truly believe in what I am doing and know this is the way I feel best.

The first commitment I am making right now is absolutely NO sugar.  I will continue to allow myself to have a serving of fruit a day, as I felt that was keeping me on track.  I am vowing right now to try my hardest to stay off sugar for the rest of 2011 to give my body more time to heal.  17 days clearly was not enough to get over this addiction.  I know this is something I can do, and I was feeling SO much better without it.  I am still going to stay away from dairy, with the exception of butter, which I am going to add some back in here and there, paying attention to how it makes my stomach feel.  I had some with breakfast this morning (fried my eggs in it), and I did feel this kept me full for a seriously long time, and I didn’t feel any stomach discomfort.  Although I was tempted, I am going to stay away from other forms of dairy for now.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I won’t let this derail me.  I know that this is a normal part of making any type of permanent change, and the plan is to learn from it and move on!

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Unfortunately sleep and I have not had such a good time the last few nights, no thanks to our upstairs neighbor who doesn’t seem to care that I do not do well on missed sleep!  I’m wondering if that has anything to do with my weird sugar cravings today…I haven’t felt them too much during the last 16 days and am not a fan of them springing up all of a sudden.  Didn’t give in though, I guess that’s the most important part.

B: 2 eggs, tea (decaf) with coconut milk

L: meatloaf, roasted cauliflower

S: coconut flakes

D: Chili, apple with almond butter

I also notice that I didn’t have as much fat today (usually have some more avocado at least), maybe that could also be related to cravings? We shall see what tomorrow brings

So apparently I can’t count up to 30?  Because technically that would mean that I am halfway in to this challenge today, not yesterday.  Whatever, close enough.  I am definitely noticing the “no midday slump” feeling a lot lately, especially sitting at my desk in the afternoon.  It is pretty awesome.  Felt a little hungrier today, I was actually disappointed! But, it is not the crazy ridiculous anxiety provoking hunger I used to feel.  It is much more manageable which makes me happy 🙂  I am also glad that I cooked so much this weekend, it has been nice not to have to cook dinner when I get home from work, and lunches are super easy to pack up and go.

B: 2 eggs in coconut oil, last 2 slices of bacon

L: mealoaf, brussels sprouts

S: few bits of a chicken leg, coconut flakes

D: Chili, apple with almond butter and cinnamon

I haven’t been feeling so hungry in the morning, especially on my earlier days at work.  So, I boiled some eggs tonight and figure I will bring them with some avocado to eat at my desk before my day gets going.  I figure if I’m starting to get hungry on my way to work, I will bring some tea with coconut milk to keep me going.

A few more days at home, and then me and my new eats are hitting the road, we shall see how much of a challenge it presents!

2 weeks down!!  Excitement.  Appetite is still feeling lower, perhaps I have entered fat burning mode?? That would be awesome. Soo I realize I probably shouldn’t have been having bacon, although I don’t really see applegate farms bacon as being much different than a “high quality deli meat”.  I have two slices left, and in the sake of not wasting food I will probably just finish it tomorrow.  But, for the remaining two weeks I will lay off the bacon.  Yea yea, this may not technically be part of the rules, but for me it’s no problem, this is MY Whole30 after all, right?

B: 2 eggs in coconut oil, avocado

L: meatloaf (full o’ veggies), broccoli, avocado

S: banana with almond butter

D: leftover Chili, roasted brussels sprouts

Something about that banana and almond butter did NOT feel good in my stomach.  I suspect it was the almond butter which apparently had palm oil in it – maybe that doesn’t sit so well in my tummy?  It’s unclear at this moment.  I had bought some of this other almond butter (Justin’s brand), in single serve packs since I figured it would be good as an upcoming snack for  my weekend trips.  Maybe it was a fluke, I will have to try it again one of these day.  It tasted yummy at least.

I am super tired since I could not fall asleep last night, too many thoughts running through my head.  Gonna try to hit the hay early tonight.

I really needed this super mellow weekend, and I’m sad that it is quickly coming to a close.  We basically bummed around in our pi’s the whole time, slept till 10am both mornings, and caught up on some TV watching.  The next two weekends are going to be busy for me as I am going to be out of town visiting friends from Fri-Sun both weekends.  Originally when I had planned on doing a Whole30 I almost didn’t start it  (again) because I knew I wouldn’t be home every weekend.  But, then I figured that there was no good a time as the present, and that if I waited another month then I would regret it.  I do have to say I am feeling much less anxious about these coming trips now that I am almost 2 weeks in.  Plus I will have another 4 days or so under my belt before I am away from home.

I had a nice cookstravaganza this weekend and made large quantities of meatloaf and chili, and roasted a chicken.  I would have mad more if we were going to be home into next weekend, and I do have some more good quality meat in the freezer that I can throw into the crock pot this week if we need another meal.  Plus a new burger place opened up by us that my husband really wants to try.

B/L (eaten at 11am): 2 eggs in coconut oil, bacon, avocado

S: banana with almond/coconut butter

D: Chili (from Make it Paleo – was super delicious, and what an awesome book!), roasted broccoli in coconut oil

Again, my appetite isn’t as big as usual, and I’m hoping it will stay that way for when I am out of town.  I felt the slight urge to exercise this weaken (have never been a super huge fan), but alas I figured I would ride out these last two days of sniffles (pretty much gone now) and hang in my pjs.  I’m glad that I have meals cooked for at least the next 2 days or so, which means I can try to do a little exercise when I get home from work this week.  I really don’t like the gym atmosphere, so I am going to take some cues from some of the books I’ve been reading regarding some basic movements that I can do in my living room.  It is still hard to snap out of the feeling that I won’t lose weight if I don’t exercise every day (now I know how not true this is), and focus more on the way it is making me feel stronger.  I have been feeling a bit winded by the massive amounts of stairs I need to climb both at work and on my commute to work, and really won’t want to be feeling that way.  I told myself that I would only start exercising again (I do walk about an hour a day to and from work and walk a lot / climb a lot of stairs at my job, it’s not a desk job) when my body told me it was ready, and I think I might be feeling the urge now, surprisingly enough).

Other changes I have been noticing:

-yesterday was the first day I felt myself saying “wow, I am finally starting to feel really good”, including feeling more optimistic about things in general (some life things are up in the air right now and it’s easy for me to feel anxious about them)

-I’m not really feeling many sugar cravings which is awesome – there is a lot of candy at work (and will get worse with the upcoming holiday season), and I am starting to believe that I will be able to get through it unscathed

-I found myself thinking the other day that maybe I won’t reintroduce dairy into my diet (if at all?) after these 30 days (with the exception of maybe some Kerrygold butter here and there) since I am not really missing it at all

So, the bottom line is that I am feeling good and am going to just keep on keeping on.  I feel somewhat in control of food, maybe for the first time in my life. I don’t wan’t this feeling to go away.

What happened to the Fall weather in the Northeast??  Fall is by far my favorite season, and it seems as if we have skipped over it altogether.  Today it snowed a whole bunch by us, which stopped me from my next much anticipated trip to the Farmer’s Market.  Instead we drove a bit and went to a different grocery store (more like a specialty market than a regular grocery story) that has grass fed meat and organic poultry (some of it seems to be free range).  I got what I needed (plus a few other specialty items I had been looking for anyways), so it ended up being a good trip.  When we left the store our car was covered with snow, and I even had to borrow a scraper from the car next to us.  We bought our car a few months ago, and didn’t even think we would need a scraper this early!  Not happy.  So instead of doing something nice outside we cleaned our apartment and I made some meatloaf.

B: 2 eggs in coconut oil, applegate farms pepperoni (needed to finish the package, won’t be having this too often), onions

L: it wasn’t really lunch, but about 5 hours after breakfast I thought I should have something so I had a banana with coconut/almond butter

D: meatloaf (made with zucchini, onions, and carrot), 1/2 avocado

My appetite was pretty non-existent today.  I was a little hungry for breakfast but that was about it.  I only ate about half the piece of meatloaf and gave the rest to my husband, it tasted great I just didn’t feel like I needed much.  This was the second day of feeling less hunger, and to me it is SO liberating.  I feel like I have always been a slave to my hunger, and always worried about where my next meal would come from, would I make a “healthy” choice, would I feel so full afterwards, etc.  To me it is such a wonderful feeling to not feel hungry, and eat a little something just because I knew my body needed some nourishment.

It is interesting to note that bananas don’t seem to bother my stomach at all (I eat them typically when they are still slightly green and underripe), whereas apples seem to give me a bit of a gurgle feeling.  Ever since starting this whole Paleo thing I have a little bit of a fear of fruit, since I do need to lose a significant amount of weight and I don’t want to hold things up.  But, I think that one serving a day is fine for now and I can always re-evaluate if necessary.  It’s funny because I have been reading a lot about fertility/pregnancy lately (not trying to get pregnant right now, but hopefully in the near-ish future), and my thoughts about food and what I would eat while pregnant have changed so much over the past few months.  I used to have the typical “I can’t wait until I’m pregnant so that I can eat whatever I want” thoughts.  The other day  I found myself thinking that I can’t wait to be pregnant so that I could have more fruit and sweet potatoes!!! I’m thinking that is a pretty good change in thinking and hopefully that means that these changes are really starting to stick.

I’m feeling significantly better today which I’m happy about.  I think that all of the stuffiness should be gone in the next few days, woo.  Again, it’s hard to tell 100% since I am on the tail end of this cold, but all of the sudden today I realized that maybe I did have a little more energy.  Fridays are typically a super busy day at work , and when I get home I just want to collapse on the couch.  Today when I got home my head was telling me to just veg out and order in dinner, but all of the sudden I decided I would rather eat my own food, and just made up some quick eggs for dinner.  I definitely felt a bit more energized than usual.  Even at work I haven’t been hitting the dreaded afternoon slump.  Today was also the first day that I didn’t feel the need to have an afternoon snack.  I had breakfast around 7, lunch at 1, and dinner at 6:45ish.  I did have some coconut flakes while I was starting to make dinner since I was starting to get that grumbly feeling.  It felt liberating to not need to have a snack – and I even had an egg waiting for my in my bag! Super.

B: 2 eggs in coconut oil, 2 strips bacon

L: brisket, 1/2 avocado

D: 2 eggs, coconut oil, sautéed onion, applegate farms pepperoni, scoop of guacamole (from husband’s Mexican takeout)

S: banana, coconut milk, almond butter

It is amazing to me how much eggs and a little meat will keep me satisfied for hours and hours.  It is definitely nice not to have to keep some snacks in my pocket at work!  I wasn’t really prepared for dinner tonight so I just resorted to eggs, but I actually really enjoyed them for dinner.  I do have some ground beef from the farmer’s market, but apparently it is supposed to snow here tomorrow so I am saving it to make some meatloaf tomorrow while we might be stuck inside.  The banana tasted really good, but I’m not sure if my stomach liked it so much…not sure if it was that or the coconut milk though.  I don’t really feel like I’m craving physically craving something sweet – it was more of a mental thing.  It is comforting though in a situation where I am wanting to have a little something “desserty” to have some fruit, and for now as I am transitioning I think that it is ok to use it for that purpose.

I feel slightly anxious since I had a whole plan for the farmer’s market again tomorrow, but it is supposed to rain/snow over here.  I think that if it is really gross out we might just take a trip to Whole Foods (is a bit far away, still need to take public transportation), or might have to suck it up at the regular grocery store.  We are going away next Friday through the weekend so I don’t want to overstock the fridge.



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